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Der ReiseEdit

I feel like a dirty Capitalist."
*"Very good, American, you may sniff my vodka."
*"Stay away from my Vodka!"
*"I'm out of Vodka— I-I mean ammo."
*"What is that clicking noise? Oh, I'm out of ammo!"
*"I will paint Red Square with their blood!"
*"...Same weapon I used to kill my wife, she was bitch." (Referring to Double-barreled shotgun)
*"NICE SHOT......are you sure you're not Russian?" (after seeing Richtofen take off a zombies head)
*"Ahh, Just what we needed. Although some vodka would be nice." (upon receiving Max-Ammo)
*"Good, that song was driving me nuts!"
*"...Same weapon I used to kill my second wife, it was accident, she talks to much..." (referring to the PPSh-41, can also be referring to PTRS)
*"You know, Takeo could be a zombie, I mean, how could we even tell?" (after Takeo speaking about knife killing a zombie)
*"We do not have such frivolous toys in Stallin's Russia." (Upon receiving Monkey Bombs)
*"So now I have to hold this fucking monkey?!" (upon reciving Monkey Bombs)
* "Nikolai likes his bacon CRISPY!" (upon getting a kill with the flamethrower)
*"You know, I was on fire once, It was no fun." (upon getting a kill with the flamethrower)
*"Does anybody need a light?!" (upon receiving the flamethrower)
*"Why do you always get the good shit and I get the Colt?" (upon Dempsey receiving a good weapon and remarking about it)
*"Aww, I made a little pet. I'll go take him for a walk for about 5 minutes while the rest of you dick around." (upon making a crawler)
*"You have no limbs but u still come!" (upon making a crawler)
*"Beg me to kill you stumpy." (upon making a crawler)
*"If their brains were in their legs that would be a kill!" (upon making a crawler)
*"YOU CANNOT RUN FROM NIKOLAI!" (upon getting a headshot)
*"The air hangs heavy with stench of dog shit." (upon the start of dog round)
*"Oh great, another fucking dog show." (upon start of dog round)
*"Someone run to the middle and hit switches." (upon starting the teleporter countdown)
*"You know how to say owned in russian?!? OWNED!!"
*"You're dead now, but you were dead before ah fuck you"
*"I'm out of ammo! Ah well, I'll just kill them with my breath."
*"What? That stripper must've stolen my money!" (upon failing to purchase an item)
*"That stripper did take my money! bitch." (When to trying buy the mystery box without the 950 points. A reference to the above quote)
*"I think there are dogs coming now!" (Upon a hellhound round starting)
*"Does anyone want to trade weapons i have full ammo i swear!" (upon runing out of ammo in a weapon)

Kino Der TotenEdit

"Maybe someone should go turn on the power now."

— At the beginning.

"No power! Just like home."
— At the beginning.
"I think we need to do something about the power."
— At the beginning.
"Who didn't pay the electric bill?"
— At the beginning.
"We should go find the fuse box."
— At the beginning.

Quotes cut from Kino Der Toten.Edit

"Oh great! It's the Wonderfulwaffle!"
— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box
"This has more power than Moscow Electric Company!"
— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box
"This ALMOST as strong as the best Russian vodka."
— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

Killing a ZombieEdit

"You cannot even beat a drunk Soviet!"
— Upon getting a kill.
"The Red Army cannot be overun!"
— Upon getting a kill.
"Wow, your almost as good as TheRelaxingEnd"
--- Upon killing a horde of zombies, referring to zombie's legend, RelaxingEnd
"NO! NO VODKA FOR YOU!"
— Upon getting a kill.
"Die, Satan's minions!"
— Upon getting a kill.
"Die by the hand of Nikolai! Hey, that rhymes..."
— After a knife kill.
"Die now, son of bitch!"
— After a knife kill.
"You got slime on my new shirt! Now I have to dry clean!"
— Killing a Gas Zombie at close range
"Now that's what I call a goulash!"
— Killing multiple zombies with an explosive weapon
"You fall like coddled bourgeois!"
— Multiple kills
"STAY AWAY FROM MY VODKA! What? It's a classic!"
— After an explosive kill.
"Euuuaaaaghhhhhh!!"
— After a knife kill
"This fucking gun is amazing!"
— Getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun
"Now they're here, now they're not. Such is life in the...ah, fuck you."
— After an explosive kill.
"Explosives make things so much easier!"
— After an explosive kill or Ray Gun kill.
"BOOM! You are dead!"
— After an explosive kill.
"Have a round on me! Get it? A "round"? Eh.. never mind, fuck you."
— Upon getting a headshot.
"Don't slip in the slime!"
— Upon killing a Gas Zombie.
"What is that smell? Maybe I sharted..."
— Upon killing a gas zombie
"You got slime on my uniform!"
— Upon killing a Gas Zombie.
"That smells disgusting... like my fourth wife. She pretty though... pretty and smelly, weird combo."
— Upon killing a Gas Zombie.
"Like the Fist of Stalin... up your ass!"
— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.
"Feel the might of the Red Army!"
— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.
"Do svidaniya, bitches!"
— Upon multiple kills. Do sdivania means "Good Bye" in Russian
"Never mess with a Russian when drinks are on the line!"
— Upon multiple kills.
"Nikolai cannot die! Hey, that rhymes!"
— After a knife kill.
"Die, demon hell-pigs!"
— Upon multiple kills.
"I just killed a billion zombies... why is no one helping?"
— Upon multiple kills.
"Hey, you left your arm behind!"
— After destroying a zombie's limb.
"From Russia with great affection!"
— After killing a zombie, a reference to the movie From Russia with Love.
"Die, slime-thing! Die! Die!"
— After killing a Gas Zombie.

Being hit by a ZombieEdit

"I like it rough, but not that rough."
— When getting attacked by a zombie.
"OW! My shins!"
— When getting attacked by a crawler.
"Hey, what's that? Oh, crawler!"
— When getting attacked by a crawler.
"You know how to say "owned" in Russian? OWNT!"
— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.
"No it's my vodka! MINE! MY OWN!"
— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.
"No touchie! ...I have issues."
— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.
"You are dead now! But you were dead before! Ahh fuck you!"
— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.
"You see what happens when you touch Nikolai?!"
— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

HellhoundEdit

"Come play "Fetch the Grenade", demon-spawn!"
— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.
"They're trying to fetch our souls again!"
— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.
"You don't want my soul, it probably tastes like vodka. Mmm... vodka."
— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.
"Out of my way, suka!"
— Upon killing a Hellhound (this is a wordplay, as in russian "suka" means "bitch")
"Die, demon-spawn!"
— Upon killing a Hellhound.
"No soul for you!"
— Upon killing a Hellhound.
"Ugh...I think I got fur in my mouth"
— Killing a Hellhound
"Come suka, I have vodka for you"
— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

Down or revivedEdit

"I have made mess in trousers..."
— When downed.
"Well, maybe I have time for drink."
— When downed.
"Do not leave me to the maggots!"
— When downed.
"Oh, I feel stupid..."
— When downed.
"Come back! Nikolai can still fight!"
— When downed.
"Wha-what? I was only taking a nap!"
— After being revived.
"You see what happened to me, there were thousands!"
— After being revived.
"All right, all right, I'll get up all ready, sheesh..... like mother."
— After being revived.
"What? Break-time's over now?"
— After being revived.
"How do you say... "thank you" in Idiot?"
— After being revived.

AmmoEdit

"Running low on ammunition!"
— When low on ammo.
"Running low on ammo! I'm drunk..."
— When low ammo.
"It's that clicking again! Oh, ammo!"
— When out of ammo.
"I'm out of ammo! Maybe I should just drink instead... piss on someone..."
— When out of ammo.
"When did I run out of ammo?"
— When out of ammo.
"Why is no one caring about my lack of ammo?"
— When out of ammo.
"Greedy capitalists dogs! Give me ammo!"
— When out of ammo
"Why am I always needing more ammo?"
— When out of ammo.
"If I don't find ammo, I'll have to kill them with my breath!"
— When out of ammo.
"I have vodka, but no fucking ammo!"
-- When out of ammo
"I have vodka, but no ammo!"
--when out of ammo

Buying off weapons off the wallEdit

"Holding this up makes my arms so tired!"
— After buying a M14 off the wall.
"Hey, snipers may wear diapers, but we get all the ladies."
— Upon buying an M14 off the wall.
"Great! I can camp now! I hate moving around so much..."
— Upon buying an M14
—"Alright, who else want to try and take me?"
After buying any SMG off the wall.
"Come baby...we do the 59, eh? He he..."
— After buying any SMG or the M14 from the wall.
"This is "nice and light"..."
— After buying any SMG off the wall.
"This will make demon-holes nicely!"
— After buying any SMG from the wall.
"A shotgun, now I just need a shot glass! He he!"
— After buying an Olympia off the wall.
"Please, I have no job!"
"12 GAUGE FURY!!!"
— After buying the Stakeout off the wall.
— When attempt to buy a weapon without requisite points.
""Such strength, such craftsmanship. Must be made in mother land."
— -When buying the Bowie Knife

Power-upEdit

"Just what the doctor ordered!"
— Upon receiving a "Max-Ammo" power-up.
"Why am I so heavy now?"
— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.
"This is proper socialist reform!"
— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.
"It is happy hour!"
— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.
"Vodka for everybody!"
— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.
I should go home and tell her that I can make Double Points now and about new girlfriend
__Upon getting a Double Points power-up.
"Capitalists...if you can't beat them...you know..."
— Upon getting a Fire-Sale power-up
"Salute!"
— Upon getting the Nuke power-up
"What's happening? That music sucks."
— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.
"Nikolai is coming for you!"
— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.
"A salute to the nuclear bomb!"
— Upon getting the Nuke power-up
"I drink to the nuclear bomb!"
— Upon getting a Nuke.
"Thank you!... disembodied little girl voice!"
— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.
"Great, I don't have to do anything!"
— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.
"That should keep them out for a while."
— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

Perk-a-ColaEdit

"I think Dempsey is right. It is a bit fishy."
— Upon drinking Quick Revive.
"Reach for vodka tooooniiiiggghhht..."
— Upon drinking Jugger-nog.
"Why can I see so clearly now?"
— Upon drinking Speed Cola.
"My tap is doubled, but not my vodka."
— When Double Tap Root Beer is bought.

Pack-a-PunchEdit

"This is like standing in grocery line!"
— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.
"Don't worry guys! Nikolai is coming for you!"
— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.
"Oh, I like, it's pretty!"
— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.
"Power and accuracy! The gun is pretty too."
— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.
"Hurryhurryhurryhurryhurryhurry.......come on!!"
— Putting a gun in the Pack-A-Punch machine

Mystery BoxEdit

"I've got ninety-nine problems, but a gun ain't one, da!"
— After getting an Assault Rifle Galil from Mystery Box. A reference to "99 Problems,"a song by Jay-Z.
"I love this effing gun! Get it? FN? Just like... fuck!"
— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.
"Snipers may wear diapers, but they get all the ladies!"
— After getting a sniper rifle from Mystery Box (also said after buying an M14).
"Hello beautiful, I'll 'cock' you gently."
— After getting a gun from Mystery Box.
"I never met an MG I didn't like"
— Upon getting an SMG from the Mystery Box
"Why? Why do you treat me like this?"
— After getting a Python from Mystery Box.
"Ah, two pistols are better than one! And one pistol is better than... what?"
— After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.
"I will be able to take them out gangsta' style now!"
— After getting a Dual Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.
"This makes Nikolai very happy, like first date! ...I bring home flowers!"
— After getting a China Lake from Mystery Box.
"I drank so much, I moved to the future!"
— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.
"Such power... Such pride! It must be Russian made!"
— Upon receiving the Thundergun
"Hello Ray. Would you like to taste my vodka?"
— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.
"This looks like it comes from space, no?"
— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box
"First it takes my money, then it disappears... just like my fourth wife!"
— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.
"This little girl and her games. It's a sign of bad parenting."
— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.
"Oh well, maybe I'll just sit here and nap."
— When trying to use Mystery Box without requisite points.
"Fuck you, monkey!"
— After receiving a Monkey Bomb.
"I hate those fucking Monkeys."
— When getting the Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box
"This must be vodka power."
— Nikolai after obtain Thundergun from box.
"What?! That stripper must have stolen my money!"
— Trying to use the Mystery Box without enough points
"I don't like it's beedy little eyes."
--- After recieving a Monkey Bomb.

OtherEdit

"The film must have been shit, this place is full of stiffs!"
— Upon turning on the power.
"Why do they insist on picking on me?"
— While being being chased by a swarm of zombies
"I will piss in style here!"
— Upon entering the bathroom in first floor.
"Another dark alley, I know this well."
— Upon gaining access to the alley.
"Hey Dempsey, I think you left your blush here!"
— Upon gaining access to the dressing room.
"Oh I found a rock, great."
— After finding the first piece of the meteor.
"I found another rock... but no vodka!"
— After finding the second piece of the meteor.



"Well, they do say the screen puts on ten pounds."
— After examining his portrait.
"Hey Dempsey! I think they got your bad side!"
— After examining Dempsey's portrait.
"I hate you, Takeo."
— After examining Takeo's portrait.
"Richtofen looks a little younger in this painting."
— After examining Richtofen's portrait.
"Hey! Someone took the image from this picture!"
— After examining the blacked-out portrait.
"I'll rescue you, but only because you owe me from last time!"
— When Takeo is being chased by a swarm of Zombies
"Richtofen, your children are becoming annoying!"
— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.
"Oh, look! Our Mighty Warrior surrounded again!"
— Upon seeing Takeo chased by a swarm of Zombies.

AcsensionEdit

  • "You remind me of my sister!"(As a matryoshka doll talking to Nikolai)
  • "Hey! My sister used to make these things...she was bitch."(upon talking to his matryoshka doll)
  • "I need more vodka! I mean...ammo!"(when out of ammo)
  • "Oh hi Dempsey"(As a matryoshka doll talking to Dempsey)````
  • "I'm warning you, I'm flammable!"
  • "There it goes again! If you see my ex's tell them fuck you!"(As the Mystery Box vanishes and refference to his wives)
  • "There it goes again! If you see my ex's tell them screw you!"(As the Mystery Box vanishes and refference to his wives)
  • "My gun is filled with bullets, my body is filled with vodka, all is good!"(Upon recieving a Max Ammo)

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